| Everything was going swimmingly: I got my | | | | opening the door. |
| passport, found a cheap flight, and got my | | | | |
| two weeks off of work. I was ready for the | | | | "Sir, you are not well!" a portly, amiable |
| ultimate vacation. On a tip from a friend of | | | | looking local said. |
| mine, I decided on a package tour of | | | | |
| Meditopia, an island nation often called the | | | | "Yes, perhaps I should sleep it off," I tried |
| jewel of the South Pacific. The brochure sent | | | | to close the door, but the guide would not |
| to me by Meditopia Adventure Travel displayed | | | | let me. |
| pristine white sand beaches, lush jungle | | | | |
| waterfalls, charming locals, and, strangely, | | | | "We must take you to our brand new hospital, |
| a photograph of their brand new hospital. | | | | sir," |
| 'Our health care is free to all,' the caption | | | | |
| under the photo read. An avid scuba diver and | | | | "No, no, I don't have any insurance," I said, |
| lover of nature, this obscure nation seemed | | | | "at least none that would be accepted here." |
| to provide it all. | | | | |
| | | | "Sir, you must understand that here, in |
| I connected to Meditopia Air flight number 13 | | | | Meditopia, we pride ourselves in our free |
| from Bangkok, and after sixteen hours of | | | | health care. Even Yankee travelers such as |
| travel, I arrived into Healthiopolis Airport. | | | | yourself can get access to our state of the |
| Customs was a pretty standard procedure, | | | | art facilities." |
| although it was strange when the official | | | | |
| seemed disappointed that I did not have any | | | | I did not believe him, but before long I |
| pre-existing medical conditions. | | | | found myself in an ambulance, on the way to |
| | | | the hospital. Wrapped in blankets, upon entry |
| As it turned out, I arrived in the middle of | | | | to the hospital, I tried to fish out my HMO |
| monsoon season. Despite securing a very quick | | | | card, but the exceedingly friendly nurse |
| and efficient taxi to the hotel, I was | | | | waved it away. I waited no more than ten |
| soaking wet and shivering by the time I | | | | minutes before a two Doctors waved me into an |
| reached the front desk. I wasn't going to let | | | | examination room. In my feverish delirium, I |
| some rains dampen my spirit: I celebrated the | | | | continued to wave around my insurance card, |
| first night of my vacation with a couple pork | | | | knowing full well that my plan had no |
| dumplings known to be a local delicacy. | | | | coverage for foreign hospitals. The doctors |
| Before long I was dreaming of the swimming, | | | | diagnosed my acute food poisoning, and set me |
| hiking, and diving I would be doing. | | | | up with a lavish hospital room, as well as a |
| | | | free prescription for the necessary |
| The next morning, I awoke to an intense, | | | | antibiotics. Good lord, I tried to give the |
| pounding headache, a severe sore throat, | | | | staff money every time they visited, but they |
| sweats, and a case of diarrhea the likes of | | | | refused. |
| which I never had before. It was terrible, | | | | |
| and I wasn't sure if it was the rain that | | | | I spent my entire vacation recovering in the |
| soaked me or the dumplings I had eaten the | | | | hospital ward; it was amazing. There wasn't |
| night before. There was a knock on my door. | | | | even any paperwork for me to fill out. This |
| | | | land of Meditopia was the perfect place to |
| "Meditopia Adventure Travel! I am your guide! | | | | get sick. Feeling refreshed, rested, and |
| Good morning!" a bubbly voice called. | | | | thankfully, in peak physical condition, I |
| | | | boarded the plane hoping to get sick here, |
| "I am sorry, I'm very sick," I sputtered, | | | | again sometime. |